Recovery
by Nightlock95
Summary: Private Everdeen is part of the dog handling unit in the armed forces who joined in order to provide for her family. One day during a routine search, her and her canine companion run into trouble. Returning home she must now start a new life and try to forget the past and overcome her demons from her years of service. Modern time story.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **** This is my third fanfic story - I wanted to approach this one with a new angle as my other two stories are quite similar to each other. For now, this chapter is going to be a trial run to see what response it receives. Obviously if it's good feedback I'll carry on - if not I'll focus on just finishing Futility. So please review to tell me what you think - sorry if there are any soldiers out there who read this - I researched quite a bit but obviously not being in the characters' positions myself I may get things wrong - forgive me!**

Joining the army was never the goal in my life. It's never a decision to be made on a whim, no matter what role you're in. I joined because where I'm from, jobs are scarce and my family needs the steady income that the forces can provide – at least until I get killed that is. I'm a dog handler. I and my dog Jake have been partners in the army for three years now. We've worked on a range of missions including bomb detection, vehicle searches and patrols. Don't get me wrong, I love my job – my team - but there are obviously risks with working so close to the battlefield.

"Private Everdeen." The deep voice pulls me out of my trance. I sit up and put the latest letter from my sister in my safety box under my bed, which in turn gets the attention of Jake who is lying on the foot of my bed. Not only is the German Shepard one of the best canines in the unit but he is also like a bodyguard and my best friend. I remember the first time an explosive detonated on one of our searches in Sangin, Afghanistan, I was blown off of my feet and knocked into a building. I was momentarily knocked out and Jake lay on my body to protect me until someone came to help. I woke up the next day in a hospital ward a few miles away from where I was based, later that day I went back to camp and found Jake waiting for me by my bunk. Some people don't realise how smart animals can be – they just need the right people and the right training to bring it out.

"Yes Corporal Sir." I stand to attention as my superior – Corporal Heavensbee approaches me.

"You're on patrol of the premises at twenty one hundred hours along with Private Odair and Lieutenant Mason." He states – this is no discussion – I've learnt this by now. The army knocks any objections out of you in training. When talking to a superior, you become a robot.

"Sir yes Sir." I respond with a salute. He gives me a nod, turns round and walks out again. This is pretty much all I do. Except sometimes things blow up or we get shot at.

"Ready to go out again tonight boy?" I ask Jake who is still watching me from my bunk. He replies by sitting up and pawing at the bed covers. Tonight shouldn't be too bad; at least I'm on patrol with people I actually like. I met Finnick Odair during canine training. He is a smooth bastard but a damn good soldier. We got deployed here at the same time – so we've been together throughout the whole process. I haven't known Johanna Mason as long, she was already stationed at the camp when Finnick and I got here – she's an Artillery Troop Officer – basically she leads a small team of soldiers in missions. She's the highest rank of the three of us and god does she know it. I check the time on my watch and there is still three hours until the patrol so I sit back on my bed and pull out my letter again.

_Dear Katniss,  
It seems so long ago that we saw you last. As usual, everyone in town sends their wishes to you and hopes you another safe return. Daddy isn't very well at the moment, but I'm sure he will get better soon. He's a fighter just like you. Buttercup misses you. I know you think he hates you but he doesn't really. Thank you for the picture of Jake. He's grown a lot since the last picture you sent of the two of you. I know you're out there helping people but I really miss you and I hope you can come home soon. Gale says hi as well. I've been talking to his brother Rory more lately as we are in the same class at school now; he is a lot like Gale. I took another photo of us for you so you don't miss anything. Goodnight,  
From your little duck xx_

I pull out the picture of my family again. My sister Prim is twelve years old, although she seems much older. She has her blonde hair tied in two braids, one either side of her head, in her arms the scruffy cat she called Buttercup – the devil cat, glaring at the camera. Either side of Prim is my mother and my father. My mother looks identical to Prim, same blonde hair, same blue eyes, even the same face shape. Whereas people say I take after my father, with his dark hair, tanned olive skin and muscular build. My heart aches looking at the picture – looking at what I'm missing out on. Jake must sense my shift in emotion as he moves forward to rest his head on my lap, eyes looking up at me. His affection puts a smile on my face as I hold the picture in one hand and use the other to pet him.

"I wish you could meet them. Prim would love you. You'd never be wanting of anything. You'd have a home with her." I can just imagine taking Jake home to her – she'd freak out like the time I bought her a goat for her birthday. I got it for cheap because it was ill but I took it home for her and she healed it, looked after it, and loved it and it is happy and healthy to this day. So much better than that cat of hers.

"Wanna get some food?" I ask him as it's always good to get a hearty meal before going out on patrol for five hours – after all – it may be your last. I get a response of a tail wag and a lift of his head to look at me better. I guess that's a yes then. "Come on then boy." With that he jumps off of the bed ready to go. I attach his lead to his collar and make my way out of the tent. Our dogs do not eat in the same place as their owners – it's probably one of the only times we're ever actually separated but it is for hygienic reasons which is understandable so I take him over to the kennels where all the animals are fed in camp.

"I'll be back in about an hour to come get you okay?" I tell him as I hand his lead over to the vet in charge of the kennel. He accepts what I say as he turns away from me, being lead off and I make my way over to the eating hall in camp. I enjoy the nights most of all here. When the temperature drops from the sweltering heat and the colder winds pick up – making it nice and cool. The eating hall is lit up and obvious full of life as I approach. You can hear the hum of chatter and the clanking of knives and forks but the smell isn't too good as usual – we do get the majority of our food from packets that can last for years after all, so the food obviously isn't of the highest quality. Walking into the hall I scan the inhabitants, trying to locate someone I half enjoy talking to. I may sound unsociable but I rather think of it as not trusting more than necessary. Luckily I spot a table occupied by Finnick, Johanna and another soldier – Private Jeffrey – he's in Johanna's squad. I don't speak to him much but 2/3 on a table is more than I could have hoped for. I collect my tray of mushed up food and go to sit with them.

"Evening Everdeen." Johanna greets me as I take a seat opposite the three. "So I hear we're teamed up for patrol tonight. Exciting stuff." She says laced with sarcasm.

"What's wrong? Not up to your normal standards of work LIEUTENANT?" I smirk back to her. This is pretty much the norm of conversation – taking the piss out of each other. You have to get rid of all sarcasm and sass before going on a mission or meeting with officials – just encase some slips out and you get into shit because of it. What are friends for after all?

"I'm used to working with more obedient and frightened people that I can order around. I'll get you guys there some day." She smiles with a mouthful of food on display.

"No woman could ever tame me. Not even you with your rank positioning – which you only have over us because you've been here a year longer." This is also a norm. Finnick likes to push the boundaries of what is accepted in terms of flirting with 'colleagues' – if that's what you call us. Thankfully all the women here are here for a reason – they aren't giggling little school girls so generally they don't fall for his charming chat up lines although I have seen a couple of them fall for his bullshit lines. I can definitely see that he is attractive – with a big muscly frame, ocean blue eyes and golden-bronze hair – he's just not attractive to me personally. Plus you tend to try not to get too close to anyone – encase the worst happens.

"How long you got left to serve?" He adds as he didn't get a response to his original comment.

"Technically half a year but I'm extending. There isn't anything for me to go home to so I might as well carry on what doing what I can do well for as long as I can." She says without even a glance up from her food or hesitation in her voice. I couldn't imagine the position she is in. Would I stay here for my whole career if I had no family waiting at home? All I know is that as soon as I know my family are well enough supported – I want to return home.

"Everdeen?" The question is directed at me.

"A year left, same as you. I'll be extending too. Maybe not as long as Jo though. I have a month left till I can go see my family again." I reply. The thought of seeing Prim's smiling face at the train station waiting for me as it always is when I visit brings a smile to my face. I miss my little duck. Little duck was a nickname I gave her as every time I took her into the woods she wanted to visit the large pond there where she always fed the ducks. It is not a nickname of much significance but it just stuck. I check my watch to see that it is drawing to nineteen hundred hours.

"Come on Fin, let's go get the boys. We should get ready to go." I say shovelling the rest of my food down. "See you up there Jo. She simply nods in recognition - I think the family talk throws her off a bit. I don't know why, but she has no one left. As soon as she turned 18 she signed up and shipped off straight away, never to look back. And at that last thought Finnick also gets up and we make our way back to the kennels to get the dogs.


	2. Chapter 2

As I strap Jake's canine protection vest on him I try and get into the 'on mission' mind zone – the absolute focused, alert, concentrated state of mind. I'm not usually far off it on a normally but sometimes I need to push myself after a long day. Securing the last strap on the vest and giving Jake a quick pat on the head, I straighten up again, releasing all the knots formed in my back from bending down. I've already put on all my mission gear – my own bullet proof vest, helmet, camouflage, equipment pack and of course, my guns. As a last minute thought I grab my dog tags from the drawer next to my bunk and put them on encase something happens and I need to be identified.

"Time to go to work boy." I prompt Jake and get a small whimper in reply; with him shuffling on he's feet. Military canines are trained not to bark unless necessary as everyone would think they have heard of found something, so this is normally the response I get instead of a bark. I don't bother putting a lead on him for now – sometimes it better for them to be running around on patrol. Their senses are a lot greater than ours, especially in the dark, so they can react a lot quicker than us at this time of night on patrol. Besides, they're trained enough to stay beside us by command if necessary. Looking one last time at the photo of my family that I pinned to my bunk, I turn away and leave with Jake at my heels.

* * *

Reaching the entrance to our camp I find Johanna, Finnick and his dog Rover already waiting and ready to go.

"Private Everdeen. Nice of you to finally grace us with your presence!" Johanna calls out as I approach. Jake bounds ahead of me to meet Rover. They've been together since they were pups so they're pretty much inseparable when they are together. They are definitely the entertainment of the night.

"Don't give me that. I've got 5 minutes left on the clock. Stop trying to be high and mighty." I respond before I even think about it. I probably should have.. If she's in a bad mood I may actually be in shit now.

"Don't talk to your superior like that." She answers, crossing her arms over her chest. Luckily I've caught her in a good mood.

"You may be my superior in title but any other factor – I kick your ass." I laugh at her as I pass her and take the lead, beginning the long walk around the base. I hear Fin and Jo start walking behind me and the dogs walk ahead, bumping into each other as they go. They're like the dog versions of us – just trying to piss each other off.

"I'd like to see that." Of course Fin decides to weigh in here. They've drawn level to me now as I keep my eyes open, searching through the darkness beyond the lights shone around the fencing of the base. Everything seems clear as I take a glance up at the starts shining in the sky. This is one of my favourite things about this place. There are no tall buildings and there is little pollution in the air so you can practically count every single star in the sky – I always wonder whether Prim can see the same ones or whether we are too far apart for that. I see her in every beautiful thing that can be found here. Like a fresh blade of grass in the sandy wasteland, in the happy children we come across in small villages – enjoying what they have, oblivious to the pain and suffering going on around them. That's Prim. The beauty in a dismal scenario – the only thing that's good in a bleak place. That is until that beauty shatters apart like it is now. My thoughts are ripped away from the sky as something else erupts into it. Fire and smoke. The sound of a bomb exploding echoes down to where we are from miles away and as quiet as it sounds from here, from experience, I can guess the size of that bomb and the resulting explosion. That's when the adrenaline kicks in. Of course the dogs are off first, running towards the sound, leading the way. Swinging my carbine gun from my back to get a grip of it, I charge off. Finnick is the fastest of us so he will get there first. Turning on my radio which links to base I shout down it as I try to run at the same time.

"Patrol Unit to base. Explosion heard North West of north base gates. Unit is in motion and approaching – requesting reinforcements – potential threat." I shout between breathes. Dropping the radio so it hangs off of my equipment back, I push onward to the explosion site. As we get nearer the scene opens up to us. A bomb has exploded on a side road which follows up to town. It is one of the few paths that is surrounded in shrubbery which is now engulfed in flames, expanding over half a mile. I can hear Johanna and Finnick shouting out to each other through the smoke and calling out for victims.

"Patrol Unit to base. Unit has reached the scene and a fire control team is required. Half a mile radius of fire – potential victims. No sign of bombers or attackers." I update through the radio before heading into the mess myself. Pulling up my bandana from around my neck to cover my mouth, I try and block out any smoke that may invade my lungs. Running into the burning shrubbery I can't hear Jo or Fin and I have no idea where my dog is and I can't see for shit in this dense smoke. Spinning around, searching for any clues of life – I don't see anything – especially not the stars in the sky. As I begin to lose hope that anyone – or anything is here I hear something. I have to strain to make out what it is as the sound of the roaring flames engulf me along with the burning heat which replaces the previous chilly breeze. It's a whimpering. I frantically look around to see where the noise is coming from but I see nothing. Thinking of no alternative option, I rip down the bandana and shout.

"Where are you?! I'm here to help! Help me find you!" I start to panic as there is no immediate response and I can already feel the smoke poisoning me from the inside as I breathe heavily from the running. Moving deeper into the bushes the whimper I heard turns into a cry. That's when I recognise it's a little girl I can hear.

"Where are you?! Help me find you!" I call out in a last attempt for them to speak out – to know I'm not going to hurt them. That's when I hear the response. The cry for help. Turning my head towards the noise I strain my eyes to see through the smoke – looking for any sign of movement. In a last sweep across the scene, I see something on the ground. A kind of uneven bulge. Surging forward I reach out to it to turn it over. I've found her.

"I'm here to help ok? Was there anyone else with you?" I call out over the noise of the flames surrounding us. I see her head shake slightly and I take it as a no. If there was I'm sure Jo, Fin or the dogs would have found them by now. As I turn her over to lift her up I realise something that makes my skin crawl and my heart jump into my throat. She's missing half of her leg and there is a lot of blood pouring from what remains.

"Shit." I whisper to myself. I rip the bandana from my nip and wrap it around the stub of a leg to try and temporarily cease the blood flow.

"Okay – I'm going to get you out of here ok? Hold your breath for a minute. I'm going to pick you up ok? You need to be brave as it might hurt but I need to get you out of here now." I try and say in my calmest voice. As gently but quickly as I can, I wrap one arm underneath the girl's thighs and another around her shoulders to cradle her in my arms. Then without moving the top half of my body, I stand up. Fuck the fog is getting thick.

"Patrol unit to base. I need a medic up here asap. Young child severely injured." I shout at my radio rather than in it, hoping they can hear me on the other end. And that's when the coughing starts – a clear sign that I need to get the fuck out.. but I can't remember which way I came in in the first place. Pushing blindly through the bush I hear a comforting sound. A bark. A very familiar bark. The bark of my partner. As I realise it, he comes barrelling through a bush towards me.

"Get us out of here boy." Is all I need to say before he barks in response, turns around and leads the way. With Jake as a guide, it takes a lot less time than it would have to get out of that fire pit. Manoeuvring around alight bushes and small boulders, we finally escape and reach open ground. Dropping to my knees, I just about manage to gently place the girl down before I throw up in a coughing fit. Way too much smoke has managed to enter my lungs. Once I have a cramp in my abdominals and most of the sick is out, I pay my attention to the girl.

"Jake go get help." I order Jake before I start work. He rushes away barking as he goes to signal anyone nearby.

"All nearby units to the explosion site, I have a young girl who needs urgent medical attention. My canine is active to get attention and I am on the outskirts of the scene. Again, I need urgent medical attention." I shout into my radio once more. They must be close by. I made the first call ages ago. They must be here somewhere. Rustling through my equipment pack I find the small medi-kit we take with us for emergencies whilst waiting for professionals. Inside I find the sterilisation needle and pain medication.

"Okay. I'm going to have to inject you twice. Once in your arm and once in your leg. It's going to hurt in your leg but it's going to stop any infection getting in there ok?" I inform the girl but before I can do anything, she turns around on the ground to face me properly for the first time. I didn't realise to what extent she had been hurt. Besides the leg, her face is covered with smouldering burns and there is a large gash in her cheek and over her arms. She looks about five. I can see the pain in her eyes as she shakes her head at me. She doesn't want me to inject her.

"I understand you're scared but you need to trust me. You need this medication ok? I don't want to hurt you but you need this or it's going to get a lot worse." Whether it's my words or the urgency I can feel in my eyes – she nods. With the new permission, I remove the safety cap from the first needle and inch it into her skin – pushing the liquid into the raw skin of her now amputated leg. The scream that leaves her mouth pierces my ears and my heart. Trying to push it out of my head, I uncap the second injection and repeat the process but in her arm. This one doesn't provoke a scream understandably – that must have been nothing compared to stabbing her torn leg. Trying to think back to our last first aid class, I try and think of what else I can do to help her before someone useful with this comes. Finding some bandage in the pack, I remove the makeshift job I had done with my bandana earlier and wrap the shredded stub more neatly and carefully with the sterilised bandage.

"Is that ok?" I ask her for reassurance and get another faint nod in reply. Where the fuck is this medic team? Looking down, I see my hands and sleeves of my uniform caked in blood and scorch marks from the fire. The sight makes me throw up again – I physically don't think I have anything left I can throw up. There is no way I can get up myself let alone carry this girl back to camp. I'm going to have to wait for someone to come. I'm confident though. Jake knows where I am. He hasn't let me down yet so I see no reason why he would now. Now the next of my problems is that the girl has started to shiver. Not knowing what else to do, I remove my vest in order to remove my jacket and place it over her. She's so small it could wrap round her twice.

"Help is on the way ok. You're going to be okay." I try and comfort her through clenched teeth. The temperature has plummeted again now I'm out of the explosion scene.

* * *

It takes a while before we are found – I'd started to give up hope. It was a blessed sight seeing Jake charge back towards us – with a group of soldiers following him. I made them take the girl away before they even touched me. No way was I letting anything happen to her now. Jake tried to push me up a couple times before he realised there was no use at this point, so did his trademark protective pose and laid over my chest – which probably wasn't the best thing seeing as though the reason I was so weak was because I was struggling to breathe because of all the smoke but I appreciated his comfort all the same. Once the girl was base bound – the medics turned their attention on me. They basically gave me something to drink to make me throw up a few more times which was fucking painful by now and actually had to wrap bandage around my waist to stop me breathing to deeply and causing myself damage. I refused to be taken away in a stretcher, so they helped me up to walk away from the place, which was now finally becoming under control by the fire control unit. I don't think I've ever had such an exciting patrol before.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: So I hadn't planned on updating as quickly as I have been - I wanted to restrict myself to a maximum of one update a week and so far I've given you three in less than a week.. so yeah... I'm just excited for you to read this and I'm having a lot of fun writing it however - I'd appreciate some more reviews pleaseee - I love hearing from you all whether it be a suggestion, compliment or criticism alike - they really boost my motivation to write more and try and improve... and lets face it - they make me feel good. So please take a minute or so to drop a line in the review box. And if you haven't already - and you like my writing - check out my other stories District High and Futility - one of them is finished and the other is still being added to. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

Since the night of the patrol you could think I was on holiday rather than on a deployment - except the heavy artillery and camo clothing obviously. I was deemed temporarily unfit for action because of the amount of smoke I had inhaled. It was so much that even now, two days after, I struggle with normal breathing and have a constant minute headache – which of course I refused painkillers for. I don't like the feeling of numbness that accompanies them - even if I have to endure a bit of pain. The medics said it was because of the minimal oxygen I had in my system as it was being shoved out of my body by the smoke – it basically fucked up all my ordinary bodily functions – which explains why I couldn't move once we escaped the flames. Jo and Fin got out of there pretty quick with minimal injuries of small burns as there was no response to their shouts offering assistance. So whilst they drift between missions and back and forth from camp, I stay put. Roaming pointlessly around the camp spending a lot of time in my bunk, the eating hall and the kennel – where Jake is currently spending all of his time, both due to my incapability in looking after him in my condition and that he himself inhaled a dangerous amount of smoke in his search for me in the mess. That just shows the dedication and loyalty of canines to their handlers – that even when they sense they are at great risk, they do not stop, do not retreat and put their handler's life before their own. To be honest I'd probably do the same for Jake.

The 'unfit' status is both a blessing and a curse. The relaxation that has been thrust upon me is happily accepted but it is leaving me a lot of time to dwell in my thoughts and also brings a sense of worthlessness. That I am currently baggage of the army. I have no job and I am not contributing. For me, this is one of the worst feelings in the world – I hate owing people and for me, not earning my keep whilst others are putting their lives on the line in the battlefield – is something I'm going to need to repay. One way or another.

As I try and stomach my mediocre lunch of some form of stew (it both tastes pretty grim and swallowing causes a lot of pain in my saw throat and sensitive lungs and ribs), my mind flits between images of the burning scene and the legless girl from two night ago to my family. That little girl hit something deep within me. She reminded me of my sister. She did as soon as I saw her in full but I pushed the thought away in the time of emergency, knowing I needed all my senses and concentration in the present. But now with all this time and nothing to do – my brain is allowing the connections to be made. I can tell I've been away from home too long as I can't keep these thoughts at bay. Looking around the hall, there are not many people here. There are a few soldiers that have returned from overnight missions – having something to eat before they go sleep off whatever they have had to endure. I recognise a lot of the faces but I'm not close enough to any of them to approach them. I need to go find something to do with myself.

I try and list things that I could do on site but one by one I mentally scratch them off of the list. I can't go to the firing range, combat training, canine training, even if I walked for too long that could fuck me up. This must be one of the worst injuries I could get – one that stops me being able to do the simplest things and the things that could help clear my mind. One that could make me more dependent on others. It seems that I do not have to choose anything for myself just yet as Corporal Heavensbee enters the hall, sets his eyes on me and walks over. Swallowing my mouthful, I swing myself in my chair to stand to attention with a salute – the norm.

"Corporal Sir." I say in acknowledgment of him and his superiority to me.

"At ease Private." He responds quickly which I'm grateful for as the stiffening of my body is causing my breathing difficulty to decrease. "How are you feeling Everdeen?" He continues – slightly informal compared to what I'm used to. I picture myself as a wounded animal, being spoken to gently as if his words may physically hurt me if they are too harsh. I think about what my response should be and I pick the standard safe response.

"I can't complain sir." Yes I really could. I'm bored out of my brains being stuck here at camp. He hesitates and looks me over, as if he has read my thoughts.

"There is someone that wants to speak to you Everdeen. Please come with me." He finally says after finishing his inspection of me. Without question I follow him as he turns around to lead me out. Who the hell would want to speak to me? Did I do something wrong? Am I in trouble? Does the General of the camp want to speak to me? What the fuck is going on? These questions circulate through my head as I try and decipher where I am being led to. We go past where my bunk is located, past the kennels – so I check things associated with these places off of another list in my mind. It's not until we pass the head office of the base that I realise that we are headed towards the on-location hospital ward. That's when the horrible thoughts start flooding my mind.

"Sir, has something happened?" I ask – with Johanna and Finnick in mind. I last saw them yesterday before they drove off in a truck to go on a crowd control mission in the city. Anything could have happened between then and now. That is evident in what happened the other night – serious accidents can happen in seconds.

"No Private. There is nothing wrong." Is all he says as we enter the hospital ward – one of the only actual buildings in the camp. Passing through corridor after corridor, ward after ward, I just get even more confused as to what is going on. Things clear up pretty quickly as we round a corner into a small room where a little girl is sitting propped up in a bed. What I see is a small girl, curled on the ground covered in blood. Whimpering, coughing and helpless. As I see her the heat of the flames lick up my left arm, scorching my skin as it tastes my flesh.

"Katniss." The use of my first name makes me look around, giving me another headache. It was Heavensbee that called me by my first name, which is very odd as by doing so he just shattered some invisible, formal barrier between us. The heat on my arm vanishes as I notice it was simply his hand holding my arm and not a flame. With this realisation the rest of the scene my mind created drips away and I see the girl in the bed just watching me. She isn't covered in blood, she is clean. She is not whimpering, she looks rather calm actually and she is bandaged up and her scars are already improving, probably from some sort of cream or oil. I also notice a pair of crutches rested against the bed. Oh yeah. I forgot. She now only has one leg. As I absorb what is in front of me, a mixture of pity, joy and illness fill me up. I'm torn between wanting to hug the girl and wanting to run away from her but I won't as that is unprofessional and I need to show self-control and emotional stability.

"Her name is Tarana. She was walking to a nearby well to fetch water for her family when she set off a land mine and it took her leg. Honestly, as you would know, she was lucky to get away just losing that. She was lucky you found her Katniss. She was lucky that you knew what you were doing – that you used a sterilisation injection and painkillers. She could have been a lot worse off if you didn't – she could be dead. She was alone and doesn't speak a lot of English but she is intelligent enough to know what you did for her. She wanted to meet you." Heavensbee explains as we both look at the girl. She looks scared but she also looks like she is trying to hide her fear. "She reminds me of you Everdeen. She's a fighter." This makes me look back at him. I never noticed how much interest he had in me. "Most soldiers do not realise how closely I watch them. I like to know if my soldiers are ok but I need to stay detached. But when the odd exceptional recruit comes stumbling in my eye line – I can't help but react – to try and help them." He doesn't look at me when he says this but I know what he means – I knew it when he called me by my first name. "She'll be escorted home tomorrow once she clears her medicals. I think now you may be able to see why we do what we do. To protect the innocent and those who cannot protect themselves." His last words impact me. Yes to protect these people here but I also aim to protect my family at home – who are too fragile to help themselves – to support and protect themselves. Heavensbee leaves without another word and I'm left alone with the girl.

"Thank you." She says out right. Her voice cracks slightly as she says it. This is probably some of the very little English she knows so I simply nod my head in acknowledgement as I do not want to confuse her by trying to speak to her. She doesn't break her eye contact with me, which I feel obligated to return. It must be awful to be stuck in here, somewhere she has no idea where she is, no idea who the people around her are, why this has happened to her. I feel so selfish wallowing in self-pity just because I cannot run around. That's when an idea pops into my head. I hope she understands what I'm about to ask.

"Tarana… Would you like to meet my dog Jake?" I ask slowly, trying to give her every possibility of understanding me. No understanding registers on her face which disappoints me as I think this could be great for her. For some people dogs are very comforting and seeing as though she would have seen Jake the night she saw me could be really good for her. Feeling in the pocket that is positioned over my heart on my jacket, I pull out one of two small pictures. It's a picture of Jake and I that was taken a few months back when we passed our most recent on-site canine behaviour test. I walk over to Tarana's bedside and crouch down beside it. I show her the picture and point to Jake and watch her face for a response. Seeing the picture I see a smile tugging on her lips and that is all the answer I need. I hand her the picture – it's hers now, and I pick up the crutches from next to me. I wave for her to come with me. I hope she trusts me enough to come, after what we've been through I think she might. And she does. Struggling, she scoots herself to the edge of her bed, wincing slightly in the process. I hold the crutches out to her and she takes them gently from me. Cautiously placing my hand on her back to help her, she hauls herself out of the bed and the lack of a leg grabs my attention. The hospital gown hides any stump that remains there and there is only the one leg that is viewable and she is obviously struggling to remain upright. Like I did two nights ago, I remove my jacket and place it around her as I know the gowns aren't exactly warm and we are about to go outside – and she willingly lets me. I then signal for her to go in front of me so I can stay behind her encase she stumbles. Slowly and steadily I guide her out of the room, out of the hospital and towards the kennels. It takes her a while but she slowly gets used to the technique of the crutches and steadily she gets faster and more confident in using them. By the time we reach the kennel she is a pro.

I signal for her to sit in the front area of the building and help her get herself comfortable. I can see the excitement in her face. By now she must have grasped what I have planned. She looks around and smiles but something that further pierces my heart is that she is swinging her only leg in happiness. The normal cute action of a child swinging their legs in a seat that is too high for them has now turned into a horrible reminder of what has been taken away from her – not only her leg but also the remainder of a normal childhood – a normal life. This makes my smile falter and makes me want to cry for her, but I try and keep up the happy persona so she can enjoy this. Leaving her in happy thoughts I make my way to where I know Jake will be. As he sees me approaching his kennel door, he noticeably gets happier – even to the extent that he barks as his tail wags a mile a minute. This alone lifts my spirits from the negative thoughts that are swimming in my head. Opening the door, Jake leaps up at me and I squat down to stroke him. I actually haven't seen him since yesterday morning when I first got out of the hospital ward myself. It may not sound like a long time but for us, it is ages. Jumping up and licking my face I can see he is just as happy to see me that I am to see him.

"Hey boy. I have brought someone to see you today. You have to be very gentle okay? She's hurt and she's confused and I thought she'd be happy to see you." I say to him, flattening down the fur on his face, which is also keeping him from jumping up again. I know he understands and I know he will do as I ask. It's obvious in how he has already calmed down dramatically. "You ready?" I ask, now stroking his chin. He whimpers and shifts where he is sitting, which makes me laugh. People you commit animal abuse really make me sick – how could you hurt something so friendly, adorable, loyal and caring as this dog? I don't think I'd be able to cope doing this job without my Jake. Obviously getting impatient wanting to meet whoever I've brought along, Jake pushes into me making me fall on my ass in his kennel. "Come on then." I stand up, grab his lead which is hanging from a peg and attach it to his collar – just encase Tarana gets scared or changes her mind. He's a big dog after all. Walking back to where I left Tarana, Jake bounds along beside me, obviously happy with the new found attention he will be getting. Opening a final set of doors, the corridor leading to her is revealed and I can see her still waiting there, leg swinging happily. When she notices us approaching her face lights up as she looks down at Jake. Without hesitation she lowers her hand down, silently asking Jake to go over to her, which of course he does happily. As he reaches her a beautiful laugh escapes her lips as he licks her hand in greeting. I release the lead knowing it is okay and stand back and watch the two. Tarana giggles and smiles as she pets Jake and he jumps up beside her. It's amazing to think someone can find that much happiness in such a dire situation. It makes me wonder how she will be when she returns home, how will she cope? Will she have help? I don't even want to think about it. I just want to be blissfully ignorant in the idea that she will be happy and well after today.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: ****Thank you for all of your lovely reviews! Please keep them coming! They really make me smile and want to rush back to my laptop to write the next chapter that bit quicker! This chapter isn't as good and high energy/high content as the last ones were - but it is a kind of connecting chapter which will lead to moments I know you've all been waiting for! I think it's about time we get a bit of Peeta in the mix, don't you? Don't be a stranger and put a nice sentence in that review box down there! ;)**

I sit on my bunk rolling the prayer beads that Tarana had handed me before she was escorted back to her village. The tan colour of the beads remind me of the miles and miles of sand that surround us here. I rub my finger over the crucifix at the end – a small silver painting of Jesus on one side. It's amazing that through all the suffering we endure, some of us can still keep their faith – still see the good and the glimmers of hope. Something that religion can offer. Maybe if I wasn't such a pessimist it would be something I'd look to. Letting Tarana meet Jake had really reminded me of why the army intervenes in dire situations like this – to give those who have had everything taken away from them, feel safer, feel more hopeful. With all the free time I have on my hands because of my unfit status I've decided it's time to reply to the letter Prim had sent me – which has been burning in my pocket for the last couple of days – calling for me to answer it. Wrapping the beads around my wrist as a makeshift bracelet, I lean down under my bed and pull my sheets of paper and a pen from one of my containers. I repeat the contents of Prim's letter in my head once more to try and form a response to return, obviously being conscious of what I need to leave out to avoid distributing classified military information. With a deep breath I put pen to paper.

_Hey Prim, it's nice to hear from you – it can get awfully lonely here, even with Jake around. I hope dad is ok – make sure he is eating ok, you know how he likes to sneak the extra one or two cakes when nobody is looking. It won't help him get better. Thanks for the photo – it's nice to physically see that you are all ok rather than trust what you're telling me in writing. It's nice to hear you and Rory are getting on well – he's a good kid. I'll see you all soon enough. The time goes past so quickly here, there's always something to do. Be it training or whatever else. Been thinking of you a lot recently – everything seems to remind me of you. The good things that is. Hope to hear from you soon and I hope you enjoy the photo I've added. _

_Lots of love, Katniss. _

Re-reading it in my head, it sounds so distant and detached. Not full of the love that I actually possess for my little sister. Trying to tell her how I am without mentioning anything that I've been doing is pretty difficult – so it results on me sounding like an actual robot. The photo I put in the envelope along with the letter was a picture of Jake and Tarana that was taken yesterday during their meet. Tarana had more than happily posed with Jake for the photo – wrapping her arms around his neck, burying the side of her face in his long fur. If he wasn't my best friend I might have actually let her take him home with her. One the back of the photo I simply wrote 'Jake and his new best friend – Tarana - a local village girl'. I really didn't want to get into the depths of who she was in a letter. Less than pleased with the letter, I seal the now full envelope and throw it to the end of my bed for me to pick up and post when I next can be bothered to get up. Lying back down and resting my head back on my pillow, I think of them. I think of what my family might be doing right now. How they're getting on, all the while obsessively spinning the prayer bead bracelet around my wrist.

I must have dozed off at some point as a low rumbling noise coming from outside makes me shoot up in my bunk – therefore giving me a surge of pain through my brain. Fuck I'm so sick of this. Seeing that the letter I wrote to Prim had fallen onto the floor, I bend down and scoop it when someone walking in distracts me. The flash of a large cheesy smile temporarily stops me picking up the letter.

"Whatup Everdeen? How's the sick pay?" He calls out from the other end of the room. I immediately get up to throw my arms around him in a hug.

"Where you been Finnick? I've been bored out of my nut without your shitty jokes to keep me occupied!" I greet him, releasing my grip on him which reveals his shit eating grin again.

"Trying to find the bastards who rigged that path that landed you in here 24/7!" He replies with both a smile and a crease in his forehead. So he's being utterly serious but trying to make sure I don't get upset. Ha, it's funny how well I've gotten to know even his facial expressions.

"Any luck?" I say with actual little interest. I've tried to dissociate myself with what happened since the nightmares became so vivid of the night, and Finnick seems to detect it.

"We'll get them." He simply says with a shrug of his shoulders, which is followed by a small, slightly awkward silence. "Anyway I'm not here for all fun – Corporal Heavensbee sent me. He wants to talk to you."

"Erghh. Again? I only saw him yesterday. Why can't he leave me to be ill in peace?!" I groan. It's not really sincere though, I'm itching to get up and move around.

"I hear you're the hero around here now Everdeen. Making it a challenge for me? I'm glad you're okay though. Now get your fine ass up and march it over to Heavensbee's office." He says with a final smirk before turning on his heels and strutting off again. What an arrogant jerk. I do love the guy though. Definitely brightens up a bad day in hell. Sighing, I follow in Finnick's footsteps and head over to Heavensbee's office. I was right, the fresh air instantly does me good, clearing away the remainder of the migraine the minute task of writing a fucking letter gave me. Getting out also helped me identify that the low rumbling noise I heard earlier was simply the group of soldiers that Gale was with, returning from their suspect search.

Before I know it I've found myself standing in front of the door to Heavensbee's office. I knock on it and wait for a response, wondering what he may want to talk to me about. Hearing his voice inviting me in, I take a deep breath, open the door and step inside – finishing with the standard salute.

"At ease Everdeen." He says dismissively as he is writing something on a form. I stand there slightly awkwardly as I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't. He simply continues writing. I really can't be bothered with this.

"I heard that you wanted to speak with me Sir." I try and prompt him, shifting on my feet impatiently.

"Take a seat Everdeen." He replies. Again without looking up. This time I don't dare try and push him into talking. I better not use the fact I know he actually likes me as a human being rather than just another soldier. The ticking of the clock on the wall behind him becomes very prominent as I sit there in front of him. At least two minutes must have passed before he puts his pen down and looks at me. I'm surprised to see him smiling at me when he does.

"How are you feeling Everdeen?" Is his opening line. Still smiling.

"Honestly? Frustrated Sir." I simply put it.

"Why so?" He asks leaning back in his chair, studying me.

"Without any offense Sir, but I am so damn bored sitting around base doing nothing. Not even being able to train because of whatever smoke residue is flooding my body! I can't stand it. I want to be doing something. Seeing everyone around me doing something useful whilst I sit here swallowed in self-pity, waiting for it not to hurt when I sneeze!" As soon as the rant leaves my body I know I shouldn't have said it, but it does relieve a bit of the stress stored within me. He doesn't react in the way I thought. His smile actually returns.

"I understand Katniss." Shit he used my first name again. "Which is why I've managed to pull a few stings." He smiles even bigger. "I noticed you have a month till you next have leave and I know without failure you always go visit your family. So I got in contact with the big boys in office and proposed that due to the trauma you have experienced and your temporary unfit for action status that it would be beneficial for you to take your leave early in order for you to recover properly. Normally that wouldn't be enough but there is another factor that was considered. I'm happy to tell you that you're being awarded the George Cross medal." He finishes with the largest smile yet. The George Cross is a medal awarded to both civilians and members of the armed forces in recognition of acts of the greatest heroism or of the most conspicuous courage in circumstances of extreme danger. The award is for actions that would not normally be eligible to receive military awards, such as gallantry not in the face of the enemy. I can't even think of a response to this information. The fact that I'm receiving a medal or what he is implying.

"Because of you being awarded this medal, the board has decided to push your leave forward. You fly out tomorrow." Holy crap – he's letting me go and see my family.

"I don't know what to say Sir… Thank you… SO much!" I try not to get too excited in front of my superior but my mind is racing. I get to go home and see Prim tomorrow. I can go look after my father and see Gale again. The fact that I've been awarded a medal pretty much slips my mind when the thought of seeing my family enters it too.

"And of course Jake will have to go with you. Separation of the two of you after such a trauma could result in problems in your return. There may be a huge shift in your relationship and capabilities to work together." Again, he finishes with a smile. I never knew what a fucking legend this man was. He has basically bull-shitted a case for me and Jake to go visit my family when there is actually nothing really wrong with me.

"The only bad news is that you won't be getting your medal too promptly but.." He continues.

"That doesn't matter at all." I can't keep the toothy grin that has crept up on my face away. I'm getting to go see my family.


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: HEY ALL, A SHORTER CHAPTER THIS TIME BUT I THOUGHT I BETTER UPDATE BEFORE I LEFT IT TOO LONG. THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS SO FAR, THEY'VE BEEN GREAT! PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING AS THEY DO BRIGHTEN UP MY DAY (VERY CHEESY I KNOW) AND THEY ALSO GIVE ME IDEAS AND INSPIRATION FOR THE STORY PLOT. ENJOY**.

I got flown back the very next day. The flight itself took eight hours and that's to an airport that is nowhere near my town, a two hour train journey away. So after a ten hour journey, my duffel bag slung over my shoulder and Jake by my side on his leash, I step off of the train back on my home turf. I hadn't had a chance to talk to my family since I knew I'd be back today so the station is empty of familiar faces, or even general people for that matter except the odd train operator and a couple of other people boarding trains. My town isn't very big so I didn't expect a crowded station where I'd have to push my way through. I'm sure Jake would have helped me if it had come to that in any case. He stays loyally by side, remembering his training and behaving like a champion Crufts dog but I can see his excitement of being in a new place in the way he is eagerly sniffing at the air, his attention snapping quickly to any new thing that moves and catches his eye.

"Are you ready for this boy? This may be completely over your head.." I say, smiling at him. He looks up at me at the sound of my voice and shifts his weight from paw to paw impatiently which makes me laugh to myself.

"Come on then." And at that he sets off, pulling at his leash to pull me forward. Being as smart as he is, he knows that we're not in serious mode so he can be more of a regular dog, being allowed to be excited and pull on his leash. To have fun. My house isn't much of a walk away, like I said, I live in quite a small place. As we walk down the streets I realise this could be a scene from a film. Me all dressed up in my army khakis on my return home. It both makes me laugh and grimace at the same time. To get to my house, the quickest route is by cutting through the town and taking a few side roads. It might be nice to see what's new in town after five months of being away. The noises and smells hit me before I even reach it. The smell of the butchers mixed with the clattering of stalls rings to my ears, and definitely Jake's, who doesn't know where to look next, tail wagging as if it was propelling him forward. There isn't much of a response to me walking through the town. I'm rather a reserved person when I'm at home. I keep myself to myself. My business is mine and nobody else's. But one person does catch my eye.

"Katniss?" He spots me at the same time that I spot him. His head above the others in the small square. He immediately starts making his way over to where Jake and I stand off to the edge. His dark hair is shorter than it was when I last saw him and his muscles must have doubled in size. Gale Hawthorne. The boy I grew up with. The boy who made me tough. As he gets nearer, I feel Jake lean into the side of my leg, ready to protect me if it is an attacker approaching.

"Gale!" Is the only thing that comes to my mouth as he throws his arms around me in a death grip hug. It takes me only a second to mimic his actions.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" He asks, pulling back to look at me. His grey eyes look over me, probably checking to see if anything is wrong to explain why I'm home early. His hands still lay on my arms, his eyes flickering to Jake and then returning to mine. But the best thing is the giant smile plastered on his face.

"I got an early holiday." I try and say through my laughter. Simply being in the presence of my longest friend can put me in a better mood. That is, except when we are fighting. Gale and I are very similar people. From the way we behave to even our eyes. When we want to, we can both be as stubborn as donkeys. We had an argument for three weeks once simply because neither of us would start a conversation after a small fight, both believing we were just in what we had said.

"Why didn't you let me know?" He says with a chuckle but I can see a hint of hurt in his eyes. I know him too well for him to cover his emotions from me. Stroking Jake to silently tell him that he can relax and that Gale is no threat, I answer:

"Relax Gale! Nobody knows. I haven't had a moment to get the word out." He looks at me, reassured that I haven't somehow betrayed him.

"So you and your friend here got some time for a coffee? I assume nobody is waiting for you then if nobody knows you're actually here. There's no doubt I'll hardly see you during your visit, being such a family girl and all." He smiles, reaching down to stroke Jake, who is still acting rather cautious. Not responding as he would to me. Before I have a chance to respond, he grabs my duffel bag from my shoulder and walks off down a side street, knowing too well that I am going to follow.

* * *

Gale led me into a small shop that I didn't recognise. A shop that emits the smell of pastries and cakes and breads, and which radiates warmth. It is a rather small shop, with around five sets of tables and chairs. Cases of decorated cakes, sandwiches and more lined the shop. Soft music filled the small space, a quiet melody that sang of love played through small speakers placed in the corners of the shop. An old man stood behind one of the cases, seemingly kneading a new batch of dough. As a little bell chimes above us as we open the door, he looks up to us entering.

"Good afternoon. What can I do for you?" He says wiping his hands on his apron and circling round the case to face us. He was a rather large man, with a large smile splattered on his face, along with a load of four.

"Is it alright for my dog to be in here? He's trained." I ask before I step in further. The man looks over my attire of my uniform before responding.

"I'm sure he is." He says with a smirk. "Come in, sit down. I'll fetch the lad a bowl of water." He finishes, directing us to a table, and then walking off through a door, which I assume goes into a kitchen area. Taking off my camo jacket and placing it on my chair, I tie Jake's lead to my chair as well. Just in case. Sitting down I look around the room, noticing the smaller details that aren't immediate. The creaky floorboards, the pattern carved in the skirting boards and pictures hung all over the walls. Some of which I'm assuming are the old man's family and some are of scenery.

"So what you planning on doing whilst you're back?" Gale asks, interrupting my observations. My eyes land on him and rove across his features. There is slight stubble growing through over his jaw line, the early signs of a full beard coming on. His grey eyes shine as they wait for my response, set in concentration on my own. His large frame leaning forward to lean on the table. He really reminds me of a lumberjack.

"Absolutely fuck all to be completely honest!" I say through more laughter. "Everything and anything to chill out – with the odd bit of exercise of course. Gotta be able to still out run you." This time it's his turn to laugh, releasing a low rumbled chuckle. Gale and I met when we were both eleven and we lived in the same neighbourhood. We'd walk the same way to and from school every day without talking until he came up to me one day, pushed me and ran off before I had the chance to punch him in retaliation. Quite a weird way to introduce yourself but it obviously worked. Jake's wagging tail alerts me that someone else is coming into the room so I look towards the door the old man went through to see if it was him. Instead it was a much younger man, actually around my age. He has ashy blonde hair that falls in small waves over his forehead, blue eyes and pale skin, a stocky build and looks just a bit taller than I am. He approaches our table carefully carrying a bowl full of water, which is dangerously sloshing over the sides with each step – the muscles in his arms twitch slightly in their concentration and precision, his jaw tightened. His presence makes Jake get up from where he is sitting and walk as near to him as his lead is letting him – an unnatural behaviour. The guy bends down and places the bowl in front of Jake, who puts a paw on his bent knee asking for affection – which is happily given to him.

"Hey big guy, you hot? Got something here for you to drink." He says, ruffling the fur on Jake's neck who is practically acting like he did when he was a puppy before training. Weird.

"Right. Now animal cruelty has been diverted, what can I get for you too?" He says, standing up and addressing Gale and I, pulling a pad and pen out of the pocket in his apron, a huge smile gracing his face. "We'll have two coffees and two ham rolls please." Gale orders whilst I watch the guy serving us. His attention never leaves Gales as he speaks to him, listening carefully. Then with another smile and a last pat for Jake he heads back into the back to prepare our order.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: ****Hey my lovely readers :) This chapter is kind of an in-betweener as I don't want to use all my main event ideas quickly but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Thank you for all the follows, favourites and reviews and please keep them coming! I've loved reading every review that has been posted and I'm glad you're enjoying my idea of using a military dog in my story. Please keep reviewing - they mean a lot to me and motivate me to write! Enjoy!**

Lunch didn't last long as I was physically itching to go see my family but I left with a promise to meet up with Gale as soon as I settle back in home. Jake was a little more upset than me at having to leave. He quickly made a bond with our waiter – which still bemuses me as I'm the only person I know that he actually trusts enough to get that close to. Except from Finnick's dog of course. But the prospect of all the other new things to look at, to sniff and to listen to entices him to leave the little bakery. We've walked beyond the cobbled streets of the town square and are walking up the last back street that leads to my house. It's nothing impressive. It's not exactly like we're in the rich and royalty area of the place. It's cosy but big enough for the family whilst still having enough space for there to be a room left for when I'm on leave. As we get nearer and nearer I can feel the small concentrations of adrenaline filtering into my blood and a permanent smile is forming on my face. Jake obviously senses this in me as he begins to bound slightly more forward rather than a simple walk.

"You ready to meet your new best friend?" I ask him before we enter the sight of the house's window. In his pure excitement he actually releases a bark which is ultimately what attracts the attention. I see the curtain move in the front room window of my house before it snaps shut again. And after a small three seconds the front door is swung open and she comes running through. Her two braids bounce either side of her head and she runs like her life depends on it. So fast I briefly worry that it might set Jake off but I don't have time to react before Prim comes barrelling into me, throwing her arm around my waist with as much force as she can muster. My arms fly up to hug her shoulders in return, my face resting on the top of hers and I can feel the tears springing to my eyes – which is also the first time today I've remembered my impaired breathing capabilities. So I stand there trying to control my tears, my laughter, breathing and Jake as well who is bounding around circling us, trying to get the attention of Prim. As soon as my breathing becomes pretty difficult, Prim releases her grip on me, steps back and looks at me. Her blue eyes scanning me, diagnosing what is wrong with me. Since she was young she has always wanted to be something in the field of medics. It has deviated from a vet, to a midwife to, a doctor, but it's never left the area of helping people.

"What happened?" She asks outright. It's funny how different people's reactions are to things. Gale's rowdy welcome compared to Prim's more sceptic welcome.

"You haven't even said hi to Jake yet!" I say indicating to Jake who is sniffing at her shoes.

"Why are you back so early?" She reinforces, still not taking notice of Jake. This may be one of the only reasons someone would be able to tell we were sisters. We're both stubborn – just in our own ways. I'm more stubborn in the way that I won't back out of an argument and she is more stubborn in the ways of what is most important needs to be addressed first.

"Prim it's nothing. If I was in trouble, I'd be stuck back at camp rather than being allowed home." I try and push it away for now but she still isn't having any of it, her eyes still strained on mine, waiting for the precise details.

"Fine! I just inhaled a load more smoke than was good for me and it's a little difficult for me to breathe at the moment. I'll talk to you about it later. I just need to rest – I've been travelling since yesterday." I see the doubt in her eyes but she accepts my answer, finally bending down to Jake.

"Hey you! I feel like I already know you!" She greets him, gently stroking his face – not like the rough and tumble he normally receives. He sniffs her hands as they sweep over his face, licking them after a while – making her giggle. "Wow you're such a handsome boy aren't you?" She continues to talk to him as her strokes move to his neck and down his back which seems to be sending him into some kind of calm trance. I watch on seeing my two favourite people in the world finally meet and get on, making me smile.

"Come on lets go inside. I need to get out of these clothes." I interrupt, the weight of the bag on my back gradually becoming more noticeable. I pass Jake's lead over to Prim, letting her walk him the short distance to our house.

"So how have you been? How is school?" I ask to fill the couple of seconds it takes for us to reach the front door. I move in front of them to open the door for them.

"I'm okay. Nothing here has really changed since last time you left. You haven't been gone as long as normal remember?" She gives me a side glance, obviously still trying to dig into why I'm here. "It's just got a bit colder that's all. That's why mum thinks dad got sick." She bends down and slips the leash away from Jake's neck, pausing to stroke him once more. I can sense the sensitivity of the subject in the way her actions linger and her voice trailed off. I shut the door behind us and look around the room. Nothing has changed at all. The small television sat in the corner of the room, the two plum purple sofas, the matching curtains draped across the window, photos lining the old style fireplace in the centre of the room. Photos of past holidays and childhood memories and the single photo left from mum and dads wedding.

"So where is everyone?" I ask trying to steer clear of the topic of my father's health.

"Mum thought it would be good to take dad out for a walk for some fresh air and I've just got back from school." She walks around one of the sofas and turns on the television, sitting down on the sofa directly opposite it.

"And not doing homework! Prim! I'm disappointed!" I say with my most sarcastic voice. She turns in her seat to face me to look at me grinning at her.

"It's kind of hard to concentrate when the neighbourhood pets start barking in the middle of the day!" She laughs and pats the spot next to her for Jake to jump up and sit next to her. It's funny how much she looks like our mum. Feeling the weight of the duffel bad still on my back I decide it's time to revisit my old room.

"I'll be back in a sec, I just want to throw this in my room and get changed." I smile to Prim, turn around a climb the stairs. Opening my door I'm engulfed by the darkness of my room. I throw my bag on the small double bed, walk to the window and throw open the curtains, throwing light into the room and highlighting all the dust floating around. The room has been untouched since the last time I was there. The bed still with no covers on – I change them every time I leave home again. There is a desk sitting underneath the window with a small tv perched on top and three shelves on the wall above. The shelves are covered with books from when I was at school. Books filled with biology, maths and English. It's funny that those used to be my entire life. I used to always have one in my hand, taking any spare minute of the day to touch up on algebra or on something like the human digestive system. Like I've said before, I keep myself to myself so rather than go out with friends, I'd be a good little nerd and study when I was bored. On the shelves there were also the few dvds I owned – comedies that Prim and I would sit and watch at the end of a long day to cheer us up, the odd bits and bobs I must have thought had sentiment enough for me to keep such as a foreign coin or a piece of ribbon. I walk over the small wardrobe which stands next to the door and look inside. A few pairs of jeans, a few plain t-shirts, some hoodies and some other jackets. There isn't much, obviously I never need much as I'm never here. I reach for the pair of sweats that lie folded on the wardrobe floor and my favourite forest green hoodie. Taking off the heavy army khakis and boots, I delicately fold them and store them away in the back of the wardrobe, shutting the door. Pulling the sweats over my now bare legs and throwing my hoodie over my vest – it feels like I'm half normal of a person. Maybe I could seem like a normal civilian. One that hasn't been through the experiences that I have. That thought train stops when I hear my military trained dog barking downstairs.

"Jake will you calm down!" I call down as I make my way out of the room and walk back down the stairs back to where I left my sister and Jake together. But they weren't where I left them, there wasn't anyone in the small front room. I walk through into the joining kitchen to look for any signs of life there but there is still nobody but I can hear laughter. I bend over the kitchen sink to peek out of the window which looks over the small grass covered garden we have to see my sister throwing a stick across the grass and Jake running around to fetch it. I knew they'd get along – Prim will be giving him my bed soon enough.

* * *

They stayed outside for ages until I actually had to call them in for something to eat. There wasn't much in the cupboards in terms of food so we had a grand lunch of baked beans on toast. It was still better than the stuff we got served at base. But now there is no Jake to distract her, she gets to work on grilling me.

"So, you going to tell me why you're breathing like an old lady?" She asks, folding her arms together once finishing her meal. I don't look at her straight away, rather choosing to look at the beans I'm poking around my plate. I'm not sure why I'm finding it difficult to tell her. Maybe simply because she reminds me so much of the little girl Tarana. Sighing, with confidence finally gracing me and the feeling of Jake nudging on my leg as if urging me to tell her, I look up to meet her eyes. I can see the determined look in her eyes but caution also flashes across them too. Her arms remain folded against her chest.

"It happened a week or so ago. Jake and I were on patrol with some of the soldiers, it was just a routine patrol, we weren't doing it because we suspected anything. Basically a bomb went off a little way away from where we were so of course, we rushed off to see what had happened and if we could help. I heard someone screaming in the flames so I jumped right in because it sounded like a child. And it was. She was hurt really bad and couldn't move and it took a really long time to find her so I spent too much time breathing in the smoke so I got ill. But I saved her so it was worth it." I unravel the prayer beads that have been on my wrist ever since the night I was writing the letter to Prim and place them in front of her. I also take the picture of Tarana and Jake out of my pocket which I put in there, knowing this would come up.

"That's the girl we found. Her name was Tarana." The recent memory of the picture makes me smile, how happy she was.

"Oh my god Katniss are you ok? I mean other than the breathing" She asks looking up from the photo.

"You mean am I mentally fucked up now? No. I'm okay. It's my job to be okay about these kind of things." I say in all honesty.

"Well that doesn't sound very natural." She says as her face kind of screws up at the thought of what I said. The same face that she used to pull as a child when I'd cut meat for dinner or gut a fish and she saw it.

"It's the only way to survive." I'm glad the conversation ended then as the front door opened not seconds after I'd finished saying the last syllable. I felt a kind of sinking feeling in my chest as I saw my father slowly walk in, needing assistance from my mother, his arm resting over her shoulders for her to carry his weight. I'm no medic but that doesn't look like just a cold to me.

"Hey mum.. dad." I stand from the table and walk closer to them and wait for their response. They look up for who was talking to them and upon seeing me, I'm greeted with two bright smiles.


End file.
